jennekirby: (jenn2009)
jennekirby ([personal profile] jennekirby) wrote2006-12-13 02:19 pm
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If I ever actually rent to someone again, there is going to be an entrance exam.

INSTRUCTIONS: Choose what you would do in each of these circumstances. Do not lose this piece of paper. Do not use it as toilet paper. Give the paper to Jenn and she will consider how high your security deposit ought to be.

1. You see an advertisement for a room for rent in a house. You are desperate for a place to live, having only decided to move a week before you need to do so. You are comfortable with everything being filthy all the time, do not clean, are an undergrad, and smoke. The advertisement asks that you be clean, a non-smoker, and preferably a grad student. You...
a) Ignore the advertisement completely; you're not the kind of person this ad is looking for and nobody will be happy if you live there.
b) Write back and explain the situation, communicate about the fact that you only smoke outside (and not near the house), and try to see if you can get your lifestyles to mesh, because hey, most people are reasonable, and both you and your future roommate seem pretty chill.
c) Write back, lie and say that you're clean, and avoid any questions about the things you're lying about by omission until you've been living there a while. Immediately make your slothful nature apparent.

The next few questions are based on the following situation: You live with your landlord, who generally takes care of a lot of things about keeping the house running. Your landlord moves out a month and a half before you do.

2. Your roommate is packing up her kitchen stuff. You have a lot of her dishes dirty in your room. You...
a) Have the dishes clean and dry when she's starting to pack, since she's warned you multiple times that she'll be packing them and needs them all back.
b) Forget to do this, but when she mentions to you that some of her plates are missing, go up to your room to get all the dishes in it and clean them.
c) When she asks for specific items, go get them and put them in the sink, saying, "These need to be cleaned," and leave the rest of the filthy plates and bowls in your room.

3. You run out of trash bags. You...
a) Go out and buy trash bags. You go to the grocery store too, after all. Continue life as usual, taking out the trash when needed.
b) Take your trash elsewhere.
c) Try to cram all your trash into the tiny bathroom trash can, or flush it down the toilet.

4. You run out of toilet paper (and tissues). You...
a) Go to the store and buy more toilet paper.
b) I can't even think of a second reasonable one for this.
c) Find a package of napkins somewhere in the house and use those for a week or more.

5. The heat shuts off when it is very cold outside and when the pipes might freeze and your landlord is trying sell the house. You...
a) Call the landlord immediately and let her know; if you have the information, call the heating services and get it fixed and bill the landlord.
b) Call someone else and ask what to do to avoid catastrophe, go somewhere more comfortable, and then call your landlord.
c) Assume your landlord won't care since she's not there and you're moving out soon anyway. Go stay somewhere else and only mention it when your landlord happens to call about something else. Leave your landlord in a situation where she has to find other people in town to run over and check to see if the pipes are burst and pay a large emergency fee and generally have a really bad time of trying to take care of it from 1000 miles away.

Okay... now score yourself and figure out what you are!

Mostly a: You're a good roommate/tenant. Go you! You get to live with me! You get your whole security deposit back!

Mostly b: You probably weren't ideal, but you tried to do the right thing. Assuming you're chill and communicated right, you probably got the room. You'll probably get your whole deposit back, or everything minus a bit of a cleaning fee if you didn't get things clean.

Mostly c: If you got the room, you lied to get it. You're either not getting a deposit back, or most of it is going to cover emergency fees you stuck your landlord with plus cleaning. I don't like you and won't be renting to anyone like you ever, ever again.

Anyway. I miss you, LGH people. I can't wait until all this is over.


[identity profile] 2006-12-13 07:27 pm (UTC)(link)
C is for Caroline!

[identity profile] 2006-12-13 07:36 pm (UTC)(link)
C is for psycho.

[identity profile] 2006-12-13 07:58 pm (UTC)(link)
Flush it down the toilet?! What kind of barn was this person raised in?!

[identity profile] 2006-12-13 09:05 pm (UTC)(link)
Apparently a barn with amazing plumbing but no trash cans.

[identity profile] 2008-08-16 11:22 pm (UTC)(link)
So definitely not the cottage!

[identity profile] 2006-12-13 10:15 pm (UTC)(link)
Yeah, damn, that was the part that broke my brain, too.

Flushed WHAT down the WHAT?

[identity profile] 2006-12-13 07:59 pm (UTC)(link)
Ew, and ew.


[identity profile] 2006-12-13 11:30 pm (UTC)(link)
Bleh! I'm ignoring the fact that 3c must have happened at some point because it makes me sad, but still...


mouth=/=butt (usually)


[identity profile] 2006-12-14 12:08 am (UTC)(link)
man oh man, people suck. I'm assuming you got stuck with a C person. blech.

[identity profile] 2006-12-14 01:26 am (UTC)(link)
You know, all in all I pass this test, but I have to admit ... Amos and I actually did 4c. For a week. We're bad people, I know.

[identity profile] 2006-12-14 01:37 am (UTC)(link)
Cerveja! <3 icon.

[identity profile] 2006-12-14 05:23 am (UTC)(link)
I don't know what it says about me that I was like, "What? What? What's so wrong about that? That's not even half as bad as the time I used a piece of brown paper bag to wipe and then I clogged the toilet because as you can imagine even recycled paper grocery bags are not really meant to go in toilets."


Honestly, Jenn, I could give you a massive list of options that are far, far more horrible than using napkins. For example, only peeing in the shower, or only going to the potty when you aren't at home. I often find myself having brilliant insights like "If I poo at work, not only do I not have to pay for the toilet paper I use, technically I will get paid to poo!" (This recently led to me calculating that I probably get paid like 40 bucks a month to poo.) Or try holding it in for a month and needing surgery (okay I don't know anyone who's done that). Not eating or drinking. Adult diapers! Using dirty underwear, then throwing them in the washing machine. Stealing paper towels from somewhere like work or school. Stealing toilet paper from public restrooms. The aforementioned brown paper bags, or perhaps newspaper (really, truly, do NOT try this). Leaves! Or how about using the back yard? In fact I used to pee in the yard pretty regularly when my mom and I were living with my aunt. Actually I used to shower in the yard too because the shower that is indoors didn't work so well but the outdoor one did. A little unpleasant in the winter but otherwise it was fun. Boy, I could keep going about what a shoeless hick I am but this is starting to get depressing.

[identity profile] 2006-12-14 03:48 pm (UTC)(link)
This is true, and I considered not putting the question on there because many of the alternatives were worse. However, the house is 116 years old and its plumbing is... somewhat lacking. The worst part was when she left all her used tissues in the downstairs toilet unable to flush and I got to pick them out with a paper towel!

[identity profile] 2006-12-14 05:40 pm (UTC)(link)
P.S. I love your thought process about poo at work.

[identity profile] 2006-12-14 03:49 pm (UTC)(link)
See my reply to [ profile] shadowdryad's comment below. It's not an inherently bad thing to do, but you have to be prepared for the consequences and not leave your landlord to clean up.

[identity profile] 2006-12-14 03:42 am (UTC)(link)
Blegh. Blugh. Ack.

Miss you, too.